Have faith and fly.

Today was an unusually windy day and somewhat dreary.  I am almost certain that it was the weather, but it may have been my mind frame.

I observed a small black bird on a high wire gracefully hanging on as the high winds blew. As the winds came from one direction, it would tuck its tail feathers in to create balance. When the air would shift from the other direction, it would quickly adjust by fanning feathers out. As I watched, it continued to make small changes to stay upright.

It was a natural response, but took all of the little bird's energy.

Like that bird, i am thrown off balance. For me, the wind is my fertility journey. Things like...test results, new protocols, diet changes, cycle day charting, my feelings, the reminders of my childless life, holidays, limited sick leave, supplements, medications, and...

I am constantly responding to the information and feelings that come flying at me. Adjusting. Changing. Using all of my energy to adapt and keep holding on to the want of a biological child.

I know that my body is able to create life and if I hold on long enough I will have a baby. Sometimes that balance is so hard to manage.

What would happen if I let go?

I get to laugh with my husband. I get to explore the world. I enjoy time with family and friends. I read about things that fill my soul. I start living life with purpose.

Let go of the expectations. Live life in the present moment. Have faith and fly.