Regaining power by changing your internal messages.
Winter time screams sweaters, blankets, fuzzy socks, warm food, and puzzles. As a child, the cold months often resulted in a puzzle that took over the kitchen table.
This past week, I busted out a puzzle. I needed some clarity and some time in silence. It has been awhile and I had a particularly challenging puzzle titled impossipuzzle. I spread it out on the table and started off slowly. I was able to get the edges together within the first day. I moved on to the lighter pieces. Then I began looking at the shapes to complete the remaining puzzle. I got to the end of this totally green puzzle of Brussels sprouts and one piece is missing. Not okay.
I started by lifting the box. Scanning the floor. Getting up and looking under my chair. My frustration was rising. I got on my hands and knees under the table. There it was. Nestled under the edge of the table leg.
It felt really good to find that piece.
I think we often spend time searching for the missing piece that will improve our reproductive health. In the beginning, we slowly look around for options on what we can do. More time passes and our anxiety rises. We stand up and start frantically doing whatever we can to identify what is missing. What can we do to get pregnant and complete this puzzle?
Often, we identify the missing piece through doctor’s visits and articles that we read. We may feel like our diet, hormone imbalance, money, low stress, the right doctor, or adjusting that one decision we made 15 years ago will be the miracle. Our mind begins to create a list of the things we need to do to become pregnant. At times our mind is overly creative and we find things on our list that make life even harder. We begin to tell ourself that having a baby is never going to happen.
During this race of getting things perfect and the panic of the ‘what if’, we create messages from this fear. This often results in transitioning into a structure of a supplement or medication routine, doctor appointments, and a restricted diet. We tell ourselves that we must save every penny as it is needed for the next treatment cycle. These changes result in less adventure and removing activities that we once enjoyed. Our time with friends begins to shift because they don’t understand our new focus and borderline obsession with making everything fit in place to achieve our goal of a pregnancy. All of this while we try not to think about the upcoming birthday that has been determined as “too old” to carry a baby.
These internal messages become our truth.
And unfortunately, they have been created out of fear. Fear that we will fit into the most recent study and that the miracle is not in our cards. We have to slow our active mind and lessen the worry when things don’t happen perfectly.
We must realize that we have power stronger than the voice in our head. Reprogramming our messages is vital while navigating your fertility journey. I have found that Awareness, Analyzing, and Redefining the messages have helped me regain my power.
Awareness
To realize the messages we tell ourself, we must become aware of the things we are saying. When you wake up tomorrow, notice the things that you tell yourself.
I want you to write down the thoughts that come to your mind. For example, your alarm goes off and you think, “Is it already morning?” Or you try on the outfit and you begin to criticize your looks. Or you see a woman at the store with her heart and hands full of children and begin to tell yourself that it won’t ever be you.
Analyzing
Once you have your list begin to explore the messages you tell yourself. For each one begin to identify its origin and the role it plays in your life.
Some questions that you may ask:
Is this true to me?
Why do I think this?
When was the first time I thought this?
Has anything happened to make me say this?
It is likely some of the messages hold negativity or thoughts that are uncomfortable. Try to identify the experiences that created this internal message. The messages that hold negativity need to be redefined.
Redefining
When you begin to redefine these negative internal messages, you will see shifts. This process allows you to tap into your creativity. Many times the new message can begin as an opposite to the message that holds negativity. If the prior message was, “I won’t be able to have children.” the opposition could be “I will have children.”
To create a stronger message, imagine what that looks like. Dig into the beliefs of what you want your children to be like or what type of mother you will become. As you create this message, you will be visualizing your future. This process sets an intention for your future life.
Write down the new message that you want to be your truth. Be specific as you create this. The message, “I will have children.” may become, “I will be a supportive mother to my creative children.” or “I will explore life with my adventurous kids.”
After you have developed your new message, make it part of your daily routine. Write it on your mirror or put it on a note in your car. Create it as a background image on your phone. Say it out loud. Whisper it to yourself. Put it in front of you until you find yourself saying it without a reminder.
What are the messages that you are creating?
How does this change your perspective?
What will you do different with your new perspective?
