Questions to identify the perfect providers for your fertility team.
Finding a provider during your infertility journey can be tough. It can be even harder to trust our provider during this time. This is a journey so precious to us and we are constantly looking at the details.
What is the doctor's success rate? Who is the best surgeon? How long have they been practicing? What is the cost? Are the prescriptions included? Are they covered by my insurance? What are common protocols? And the list goes on…
Many times, we aren’t just seeing one provider. We have a team of people helping us to bring home baby. We may be seeing a reproductive endocrinologist, a naturopath, an acupuncturist, a massage therapist, a counselor, and more. Our fertility team.
For each member of our team, we want the best. We want the greatest and most informed person. We want the specialist in polycystic ovarian syndrome, endometriosis, advanced maternal age. We want the massage therapist that is trained in women's health. We want the counselor that has experienced something similar. We read biographies, ask questions, study reviews, and have multiple consults to find what we believe is the best person. We may travel to other states, send our records to multiple places, and call our insurance companies to crunch the numbers. It is important to find our perfect providers.
These pieces are all very important considerations as we determine who we want to entrust our bodies and babes with. There are few additional questions that I consider as I make decisions about providers. They may look a little different than the typical questions, but they hold so much power and cover what I believe is most important for such an intimate journey.
Relying on your fertility team.
If I am able to answer all of the following questions with confidence, I believe I have done my best to have a baby.
Do I trust my provider?
Do I believe my provider cares about me?
How do I feel when I leave an appointment with my provider?
In order to trust, our values must match our provider to a certain degree; there must be a sense of respect in this relationship. Many times in this arena, we respect our providers when we believe they are knowledgeable. We want to know they are experts in their field. We rely on them for information about the details that we are just learning. They have studied for years and continue to learn. I can and have spent many hours learning about all things related to making a baby, but at the end of the day, they know more than me in their area of study. I must ask questions about the things I read, but also trust that they are giving me their expert recommendations. I decide whether they are a good fit for me and if I choose to implement the practice, but I need to trust that they are leading me in the best direction.
If my provider cares for me, I know they will consider my unique needs. They will listen to the concerns I bring up in meetings and address them in a compassionate way. Your definition of care may be different. However, you need to be comfortable with the attention they give you.
Each provider has a different bedside manner and show care in a different way. It may be the additional flyer they pass to you on the way out of the exam room. It may be following up on a question that you left on the nurse’s phone line. It may be a simple statement of care as you tear up. It can even be as simple as knowing your name and the details of your story. If you believe they care, you will allow yourself to trust them.
When I leave an appointment, I want to know that I am confident in myself and the next steps. I need to feel at ease as we move forward in the journey. Our fertility team should feel like our cheerleaders along the way. Of course, we will have moments of anxiety and grief. There will be hurt along the way. Overall, our providers should be there to comfort us and build our confidence as we take the next step. If we feel like we are entering or leaving the appointment ready to battle, we should consider whether this is a positive contribution to our journey.
Overall, we know the ins and outs of our fertility journey. We are the one person gathering information from the team of people that are reviewing the details of our story. We have experienced the ups and downs, the ins and outs. We have to be able to discern what is best for ourselves based on the information, experiences, and feelings we gather. Sometimes that comes from a whisper in our gut and other times it comes from a clear conversation with a nurse. Either way, we have to trust that we are making the best decisions along the way. In order to do this, we must take time to listen to the voice inside.
As we listen to our inner voice, we are able to choose the best providers for our journey. Once we have made that decision, we must allow our team to do the work we have entrusted in them. If we know they care about us and we leave our interactions confident in their guidance, let go. Let them hold the responsibility and allow them to care for us. Rely on your provider. Move from your head into your heart. Allow your energy to shift and move forward in the best way to create life.
Stay connected to yourself and your inner voice. It will let you know if you need to make adjustments to your fertility team. Of course, there may be a time that you need to make a change. Say thank you and move to the next resource that will be a positive addition to your journey. This means you may not be seeing the provider that is #1 on paper. It is ok. Having confidence, trusting, and being cared for is vital as you move forward.
Trust yourself. Trust your providers. You and your fertility team have got this!
